Top 10 Tips for Working with Elders
<6 min read
Working with elders is an opportunity to build relationships across generations and to learn from experiences, perspectives, stories, and knowledge that may not be found in books or classrooms. In LitWorld U, we approach intergenerational work as a relationship of reciprocity: we are not simply collecting stories from elders. We are creating opportunities to listen, connect, share, and learn together.
Keep these ten principles in mind whenever you are learning alongside or facilitating experiences with elders.
1. Listen First, and Listen Deeply.
Give elders the time and attention they deserve. Resist the urge to fill silences, rush a story, or move immediately to your next question. Listen not only for information, but for meaning, emotion, humor, and wisdom. Sometimes the most important part of an interview is simply being fully present.
2. See the Person, Not Just the Story.
An elder is more than the experiences they have lived through. Take time to know them as a whole person—their interests, humor, relationships, passions, opinions, and everyday lives. Don't reduce someone to their age, their history, or a single difficult experience.
3. Let Elders Be the Experts on Their Own Lives.
Approach each conversation with curiosity rather than assumptions. Avoid telling someone what their experience “must have been like” or filling in details based on what you think you know about their generation or culture. Ask, listen, and let the person define the meaning of their own experience.
4. Ask Open Questions—and Follow the Story.
Good questions invite stories rather than yes-or-no answers. Try questions such as, “Can you tell me about a time when…” or “What do you remember about…” Then follow the thread of what the person shares. Often, the most meaningful stories emerge from a simple follow-up question: “Can you tell me more about that?”
5. Honor Every Language and Way of Communicating.
People communicate through many languages, dialects, accents, gestures, stories, humor, photographs, objects, music, and other forms of expression. Make room for those differences. If an elder speaks a language other than your own, seek ways to support meaningful communication rather than treating their language as a barrier. Communication is about connection, not perfection.
6. Give People Agency Over Their Stories.
A person's story belongs to them. Be clear about why you are asking questions and how their words or stories may be used. Give elders opportunities to decide what they want to share—and what they would prefer to keep private. Never pressure someone to tell a story simply because you think it is interesting or important.
7. Welcome Complexity and Contradiction.
Memory is not a recording; it is personal, layered, and sometimes imperfect. Two people may remember the same event differently, and a person's feelings about an experience may change over time. Don't worry about finding the “perfect” or “official” version of a story. Your goal is to understand the person's experience, not to test their memory.
8. Share, Don't Just Take.
Intergenerational relationships should be reciprocal. Look for opportunities to share something about yourself, your own experiences, interests, or questions as appropriate. Invite elders to participate, respond, create, laugh, and wonder alongside you. A meaningful exchange is a conversation, not an extraction of information.
9. Make Space for Joy.
Stories about the past do not have to be serious all the time. Ask about favorite songs, celebrations, friendships, hobbies, foods, games, places, books, jokes, adventures, and moments of joy. Laugh together. Create together. Joy is part of someone's story, too.
10. End with Gratitude and Connection.
Sharing personal memories can be meaningful, but it can also require vulnerability. Take time to thank the person for what they chose to share. Consider ending with a reflection, a question, a note of appreciation, or a simple ritual that acknowledges the relationship you've built. The goal is not simply to leave with a story; it is to leave having honored a person.
A LitWorld U Reminder
You are not simply interviewing an elder. You are meeting a person with a lifetime of stories, knowledge, relationships, questions, and dreams.
Enter the relationship with curiosity, humility, patience, and respect. Listen for what is said—and what is offered between the words. Give people agency over their stories, make room for joy and complexity, and remember that the most meaningful learning may happen when both generations have the opportunity to teach, share, and learn from one another.
